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I thought we were past this, I really did, but I forget that the world is full of stupid people.
A friend of mine told me today he wasn't comfortable when I talk about my stroke and my fibro, and could I please not do it in front of him. Excuse me? You don't have to be entirely comfortable with it. I understand that some people just don't get it, and might not even if it happens to someone close to them, because that's how it goes, but to ask me to never mention it in his presence again? wtf!?
I *hate* it when people brush my illnesses off and try to pretend they don't exist. I don't want to be thought of as the sickie - I had enough of that in high school - but there is happy medium. Everyone else I've met at school this year seems to be, Hey! It's Katie!, not, Hey! It's the sick one!. I like that. I cherish that.
I told Dave I might have issues making the DnD game because of rehearsal scheduals for the play. He replied saying that he has them too, and that we'll find a way around it. It never once seemed to occur to him that I said this because I wasn't sure if I'd be UP TO PLAYING BECAUSE IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR ME.
And here I have someone telling me not to mention the two things have dominated my life for the last three and a half years. Like I have to censor myself around him.
Fuck that. If he doesn't like it, he can go away. I don't need friends who won't even let me make an offhand, humourous comment. What if halfway into class one day and my fibro starts flaring? Does he expect me to suck it up and pretend like my body's NOT on fire? Does he want me to sit back in my seat and wonder how long this one is going to last while I struggle not to CRY because my body hurts so much? And what about after the pain passes? It's not that easy. I'm still in tears, and I'm sometimes too tired to move. I'm angry and upset at myself, and all I want to do is curl up in a corner and wish this away, except curling up in a corner would make it worse. I can almost deal with not talking about the stroke much. Almost, because it's a little less predominant than the constant pain that the Fibro gives me, but I can't really, because I shouldn't fucking have to, and you know what? When I space out in lecture, the stroke is helping there. When I can't remember if I've done something, the stroke is helping there. When I sit down to work on my binary mathy assignements and get frustrated because the numbers don't make sense THAT IS MY STROKE. WHEN I FUCKING FORGET WHAT I'M SAYING WHILE I'M SAYING IT, THAT'S MY STROKE.
I think I might just tell him to screw off next time. I told him that in nicer terms today, but he wasn't interested, even though a few other friends leapt to my defense. I know you're not comfortable. Neither am I. If I can't even make light of my reality around you, then just get the hell away from me.
I should let it go, I really should, but it struck a chord that's going to reverberate for a while, because I've been down this road before, and I hated it then, and I hate it now.
A friend of mine told me today he wasn't comfortable when I talk about my stroke and my fibro, and could I please not do it in front of him. Excuse me? You don't have to be entirely comfortable with it. I understand that some people just don't get it, and might not even if it happens to someone close to them, because that's how it goes, but to ask me to never mention it in his presence again? wtf!?
I *hate* it when people brush my illnesses off and try to pretend they don't exist. I don't want to be thought of as the sickie - I had enough of that in high school - but there is happy medium. Everyone else I've met at school this year seems to be, Hey! It's Katie!, not, Hey! It's the sick one!. I like that. I cherish that.
I told Dave I might have issues making the DnD game because of rehearsal scheduals for the play. He replied saying that he has them too, and that we'll find a way around it. It never once seemed to occur to him that I said this because I wasn't sure if I'd be UP TO PLAYING BECAUSE IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH FOR ME.
And here I have someone telling me not to mention the two things have dominated my life for the last three and a half years. Like I have to censor myself around him.
Fuck that. If he doesn't like it, he can go away. I don't need friends who won't even let me make an offhand, humourous comment. What if halfway into class one day and my fibro starts flaring? Does he expect me to suck it up and pretend like my body's NOT on fire? Does he want me to sit back in my seat and wonder how long this one is going to last while I struggle not to CRY because my body hurts so much? And what about after the pain passes? It's not that easy. I'm still in tears, and I'm sometimes too tired to move. I'm angry and upset at myself, and all I want to do is curl up in a corner and wish this away, except curling up in a corner would make it worse. I can almost deal with not talking about the stroke much. Almost, because it's a little less predominant than the constant pain that the Fibro gives me, but I can't really, because I shouldn't fucking have to, and you know what? When I space out in lecture, the stroke is helping there. When I can't remember if I've done something, the stroke is helping there. When I sit down to work on my binary mathy assignements and get frustrated because the numbers don't make sense THAT IS MY STROKE. WHEN I FUCKING FORGET WHAT I'M SAYING WHILE I'M SAYING IT, THAT'S MY STROKE.
I think I might just tell him to screw off next time. I told him that in nicer terms today, but he wasn't interested, even though a few other friends leapt to my defense. I know you're not comfortable. Neither am I. If I can't even make light of my reality around you, then just get the hell away from me.
I should let it go, I really should, but it struck a chord that's going to reverberate for a while, because I've been down this road before, and I hated it then, and I hate it now.
