Hello rambly mix of thoughts.
Jul. 25th, 2006 07:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
akeyoftimeI am beginning to think Sunday game sets the tone for my whole week. It can be overcome, but it really sets the ball in motion. Last week was extremely frustrating and I had a fairly rotten week, though I was flaring. Which might have been set in motion by all that frustration - though I think that the shifting barometer may have played into that. There were days I was so sore that I could hardly stand to move and I actually had an emotional breakdown on Friday or Saturday.
*
I am not especially good at holding strong opinions and I'm passing through another period where I'm finding it really frustrating. I like to make myself a calming influence and where possible, a sort of mediator. I can't stand conflict, to the point where I will sometimes silence myself or laugh at a stupid joke (within limits, though there was a brief time in grades 8 and 9 when I was a real copy kat) just to get along. This desire for harmony occassionally makes me feel washed out and pale, especially when I'm surrounded by people who are intelligent and well spoken and who do hold strong opinions. I find that every time I set to developing ideas of my own, I do alright until I talk to someone who disagrees. I am incapable of shutting out their ideas. I do not usually change my mind altogether (which does sometimes happen, I'll admit), I cannot avoid considering their ideas and their standpoint, even in later conversation. I am too busy trying to consider everyone else to find a firm ground of my own. Frustrating, especially when coupled with a certain awkwardness with words.
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Dealing with my grandmother is increasingly frustrating. She doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere, but is so desperate for company. I just don't enjoy going out with her and putting up with gossip about how other people look ("I can't believe the way people dress.", "I can't believe how fat she is." and on and on), but when we stay in, it's starting to feel like all I do is watch her get drunk and fret about this and that. I feel like a terrible person for wanting to get away as quickly as possible, because I'd be scared too if I was slowly losing my mind and friendless. (She is unable to remember the other people in her residence.)
*
My grandmother was talking to a fellow with an adorable baby in the food court today, who under my grandmother's interest (she won't remember what you've said two minutes later, but she does love to talk to people), revealed that this was his third child, but that the first two had died in their infancy from a rare disorder. What do you say to that?
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I've been motoring through Runaways, a teenage superhero comic from Marvel. It's really quite good and has great characters and ideas, but it's occassionaly a little hokey. I'm still a little confused on how a good solid blow to the head is capable of reversing a psychic memory wipe. Runaways is the story of a group of, well, runaways who through their various talents fight crime. I applaud them for writing a real plot and making sexual tensions the realistic backdrop. I don't know about you, but when I was sixteen, boy did I fail at dealing with the opposite sex.
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My "Currently Reading List" has gotten huge. In no particular order:
-The Screwtape Letters
-Runaways (Vol 5)
-Anne of Green Gables
-The book Joyee just lent me (I don't have the title on hand)
-A History of Reading (STILL)
-Interstellar Empire
-Cross Bones
*
I am not especially good at holding strong opinions and I'm passing through another period where I'm finding it really frustrating. I like to make myself a calming influence and where possible, a sort of mediator. I can't stand conflict, to the point where I will sometimes silence myself or laugh at a stupid joke (within limits, though there was a brief time in grades 8 and 9 when I was a real copy kat) just to get along. This desire for harmony occassionally makes me feel washed out and pale, especially when I'm surrounded by people who are intelligent and well spoken and who do hold strong opinions. I find that every time I set to developing ideas of my own, I do alright until I talk to someone who disagrees. I am incapable of shutting out their ideas. I do not usually change my mind altogether (which does sometimes happen, I'll admit), I cannot avoid considering their ideas and their standpoint, even in later conversation. I am too busy trying to consider everyone else to find a firm ground of my own. Frustrating, especially when coupled with a certain awkwardness with words.
*
Dealing with my grandmother is increasingly frustrating. She doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere, but is so desperate for company. I just don't enjoy going out with her and putting up with gossip about how other people look ("I can't believe the way people dress.", "I can't believe how fat she is." and on and on), but when we stay in, it's starting to feel like all I do is watch her get drunk and fret about this and that. I feel like a terrible person for wanting to get away as quickly as possible, because I'd be scared too if I was slowly losing my mind and friendless. (She is unable to remember the other people in her residence.)
*
My grandmother was talking to a fellow with an adorable baby in the food court today, who under my grandmother's interest (she won't remember what you've said two minutes later, but she does love to talk to people), revealed that this was his third child, but that the first two had died in their infancy from a rare disorder. What do you say to that?
*
I've been motoring through Runaways, a teenage superhero comic from Marvel. It's really quite good and has great characters and ideas, but it's occassionaly a little hokey. I'm still a little confused on how a good solid blow to the head is capable of reversing a psychic memory wipe. Runaways is the story of a group of, well, runaways who through their various talents fight crime. I applaud them for writing a real plot and making sexual tensions the realistic backdrop. I don't know about you, but when I was sixteen, boy did I fail at dealing with the opposite sex.
*
My "Currently Reading List" has gotten huge. In no particular order:
-The Screwtape Letters
-Runaways (Vol 5)
-Anne of Green Gables
-The book Joyee just lent me (I don't have the title on hand)
-A History of Reading (STILL)
-Interstellar Empire
-Cross Bones
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 04:15 am (UTC)I also need to read Young Avengers, which I hear is also in a similar vein (with Marvel comics first openly gay superhero couple, I hear, as well, which is cool)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 05:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-26 11:48 am (UTC)Being opinionated does have it's disadvantages. You're always too busy believing you're right to seriously consider what anyone else has to say. Plus, overtime you risk becoming static because, hey, you're obviously in the right so why bother assimilating other ideas. Maybe you're just the type of person who will gradually solidify there beliefs over time, strengthening them with reason and experience.
Elderly persons are often hard to deal with, especially when you owe them a familiar or personal debt. They can be meandering, odd, or prejudiced and sometimes they're so set in their ways that you can't hope to change their habits. They can also be rather charming when the realize they don't have much time to live, so they just pore all their remaining energy into the people and tasks at hand.
I find Larp does sometimes threaten domination of my week. It certainly dominated my conversations with my Larp friends. I'm trying to take an active interest in improving my enjoyment of the game, because I can't seem to play in the larp while maintaing an emotionally detached state. If there is anything the storytelling staff can do to increase your enjoyment please tell me or one of the other narrators (some of 'em are actually pretty nice). -P-
no subject
Date: 2006-07-27 02:05 am (UTC)My grandmother can be a terribly charming woman, but she's losing that now that she's unable to follow the thread of a conversation. I am feeling really unwell today, so I think part of yesterday's crankiness may have been whatever's got me down today.
The blech at LARP the week before last had nothing to do with the narrators and I know those of you involved were frustrated too. LARP is, generally speaking, my one big event of the week, so I'm not really surprised that it affects me, especially when I can get so into character as to bawl on Joyee's shoulder for as long as I did. Thank you for saying that though!