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[personal profile] akeyoftime
As I've already asked a few of you; next time I feel really ill because of the fibromyalgia, please tell me to take a hike. Or go swimming. Or do some martial arts. I swam for about fifteen minutes yesterday in the midst of one of the worst days I've had all month (and you know, that's really saying something) and it was like flipping a switch. Sure, I was still exhausted and worn down, but my god it was like night and day. The tingling warnings of a pain flare-up went away, my mental state was so much improved... it's always hard to know if exercise will just push me into a flare or will make me better, but more often than not, it's the latter. You'd think I've have learned that lesson after five and a half years :P

That being said, my mental skillz were pretty bad today and I did not study very much, despite the need for it. I did, however, go to the theatre with Myriam (Chimera, playing at the Tarragon), which was for school. I am hoping to hammer out the draft of my paper about it tommorow. I have a good track record with this class, so I'm hoping to keep it up.

I've been granted a re-write for the paper I wrote for Critical Sexualities. It was kind of a disaster, but the prof thought I was a better student than that and wants me to re-do it. Keener participation habits (which are her basis for this judgement) for the win? Next week's exam, the one I was freaking out a bit over, has been made into a take-home exam. SO, that's a weight of my shoulders, even the bar goes up with take-homes.

I am terrified that I am going to audition for all these Fridge shows and end up doing nothing but my Freezer fest stories (one of which will probably be rejected because of length). I basically passed up a free pass for a role in one of the shows (ah, Theatre Glendon inbreeding is alive and well) but I turned it down for a variety of confused reasons. I'll audition for the show anyway, but I kind want more a challenge this year? I want to prove to myself that I can land something on my own? Don't get me wrong, I had an absolute blast doing Chimera last year, but if it's the only theatre I'm doing all year and my last Fridge Festival, I'd like to do something more substantial. I'm just terrified I won't get cast at all, because as much as I love it so strongly it's in my very bones, I have jack all confidence in my own ability to act. Just so long as I don't let that fear stop me from auditioning altogether, I'll be okay. Then at least I can say I tried.

Date: 2007-02-01 05:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] le-savant-fou.livejournal.com
we are kindred fear-its. the only reason why I casted myself in my own show is because I know that I may try out for every show, but I won't get into a single one. I have confidence when I'm on stage, but I never fail to blow an audition.

Date: 2007-02-01 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] akeyoftime.livejournal.com
I know I should be giving myself more credit, but my chronic fatigue just makes me feel worse about it. (How can I be a good actor when I don't have the energy to bring to bear?) But I always find it at LARP. I used to do film and television auditions all the time, so that part of the process doesn't really scare me (I'm more scared of the failure, I guess? Though being fatigued like I am doesn't do much for my self-confidence), but what does freak me out is the potential need to improvise. That right there will cause me to freeze and panic and blow an otherwise solid audition. Or maybe I'm exagerating, but that's how it feels!

Date: 2007-02-01 09:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sofisticat.livejournal.com
I'm glad swimming helped. Physical activity is usually great medecine. It helps me regain my energy when I'm exhausted.

Date: 2007-02-02 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] partytodamascus.livejournal.com
i love a lot of the audition process. it keeps me on my toes!
but the inbreeding, seriously. dear lord, theatrecest. which is why i never fail to sign up to do any tech work i'm offered... at least that way i'm still involved.
fridge would be fun to act in, it'd be the only time i'd really do it, but i'm not going to hold my breath for a part, and i'm not going to let any opportunity pass me by.
ah well.

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